Written by The Last
Viking (C) 18. August 1995
Norway, also known as the land of trolls and
Vikings, is a little country far up north in the Scandinavian enclave.
Although the country is the 6'th biggest country in Europe, it only has
4.3 million people living there. It will be easier for you to understand
why there live so few people up there when you have read this page. This
is the real story about Norway and Norwegians.
Norway's population are very monotomous, i.e.
93% of the Norwegians are white, tall, blond, blue-eyed, backlaid and Lutherian-christian.
If you're of another skin colour than bleechy-pale, or if you're a Muslim,
Hindu or maybe a Budhist, you might find living in Norway a bit difficult.
The reason for this is simple, if you're in such a position you'll find
yourself standing out like a strawberry in a bowl of Lutefisk. You will
be different, and Norwegians fear what is different. Oh, if you ask any
Norwegian if they're a racist or not you will definitely hear that they
are not. It is not popular to be a racist in Norway (Probably something
hanging around since the second world war), yet, they'd love to throw you
out of the country. This has to do with envy, if you have another skin
colour, then every Norwegian will think that you're getting everything
for free from the state. This is something still hanging around since a
right-radical in the middle of the 80-ties set out a rumour that every
foreigner who get a residency permit in Norway will get things like cars,
a house, clothes, tv, microwave, washing machine, etc., from the state.
This is some rumour he could easily set out because Norway is a socialistic
country and it's easy to make people believe that the government is doing
Another thing that Norwegians enjoy to do
is to brag about how little crime they have in their country. This they
can easily do because there is so few people in the country. Yet, scientifical
research has shown that the crime in Norway is acually higher than in some
of the other high crime countries if you take the population in consideration.
This is something that Norwegians are blind to, unless they wana brag about
being the country in the world who buys most newspapers and music CD's
(all ofcourse when you consider the population).
For most Americans, the Norwegian language
sounds pretty much like German. Most Norwegians know English surprisingly
well, they have it from 4'th grade (10-11 years old) in school, but they
are not used to talking the language (Just hearing, reading and writing
it). However Norwegians tend to love to speak English, even if they doesn't
have any experience in doing it. That's why you'll often hear stutters
like, "Ja, I been a Norwegian" around English-speaking foreigners. Some
Norwegians know German, but if you're a German you should really steer
away from the country. Norwegians still haven't forgiven Germany for invading
them back in 1940, and the fact that the Germans are driving up Norway
each summer, eating German food and throwing German beer cans around doesn't
make anything better (they don't waste their money on the expencive Norwegian
food, smart as they are).
There are very few things that exceeds the
Norwegian nationalism. Part of the reason for the nationalism is the medias
way of focusing on Norwegian "heros". These "heroes" are all kinds of athletes
with success. The media is also very focused on things that Norway do in
other countries, like the Oslo-treaty and Lutefisk. Norway is a small country,
and not much really happen there so often they bring in blood'n'guts from
abroad onto the Norwegian TV screens (To make us think everything is so
much worse abroad). If you talk to a Norwegian and he ask, "How do you
like Norway?", which is a very likely thing as Norwegians really LOVE to
hear other people brag about their country, and they ofcourse expect you
to say, "It's so beautiful here, I love the people and the nature. etc,."
This kind of interviews are frequently send over the national broadcast
channels. This self image that Norwegian has on themselves is probably
also the reason why they did not join EU, the "We can manage the best on
our own" attitude is real obvious.
Whaling is a hot issue in Norway, atleast
a couple of days each year. The whole population are looking up to their
"God-mother" and admire her for standing up against the whole world by
allowing whaling in the North-Atlantic ocean. The government and the whalers
are covering themselves behind the fact that there is always enough Minkie
(the species of whale they hunt) in the ocean. This is fully supported
in the media (Which every Norwegian have totally trust in) who sends reports
of Greenpeace and Sea Shepherd, people trying to do their terrorist acts
against the Kingdom of Norway.
You shouldn't bother wasting your time searching
for traditional Norwegian food whilst you are in the country as a tourist.
The food which Norwegians eat nowadays are mostly what everyone else are
eating. Pizza, lasanga, spaghetti (all kinds of pasta), noodles, mexican
chilly stuff, actually anything but old traditional Norwegian food. If
you are lucky you might be able to find a plate of Norwegian meatballs
or a good Salmon dish.
Norwegian food ridiculously expencive. From
what I have seen in the USA, food and stuff in Norway is around 1/3 - 2/3
times more expencive. Here's some examples:
Item Norway USA
1.5 L Cola $ 2,80 -$ 4.00 $1.00 -$2.00 (2 Liter!)
A Gallon of Car-fuel $ 2.75 $1.09
A Cardboard Pizza $ 4.00 -$ 7.00 $2.25 -$4.00 (for 2!)
A Quarterpounder-menu $10.00 -$12.00 $3.45 -$3.99
A Gallon of milk $ 3.00 $2.00
2 Snikers-bars $ 2.00 $1.00
1 Liter of Icecream. $ 4.00 -$ 6.00 $1.99 -$3.99
0.5 liter of beer $ 5.00 -$ 9.00 $1.99 -$2.99
Okay, I don't recall too much of the American
prices, but I think these should be fairly accurate. The reason why the
prices in Norway are so high is because many of the store owners in Norway
is soo corrupt that they don't take what they need to take for a piece
of grocery, but what the customer will pay, and as everyone is doing this,
so they can keep jackin' up the prices.
I would now like to go more into detail of
what you can find as a tourist in the different cities in Norway.
Oslo is the capital of Norway. Around 478
000 people live in Oslo and it's the biggest city in the country. The city
is dirty and unorganized. The reason why it's unorganized is because they
have always been trying to rebuild the city, and before they were finished,
they restart and rebuilded it again. It can be most annoying, especially
if you're trying to find a street or something. If you're looking for the
Norwegian "culture" then you're far off if you go to Oslo. The city has
almost nothing of the original Norwegian culture in it. Most of the stores
has foreign names (and workers) and the streets are full of people who're
originally not Norwegian. The only Norwegian about Oslo is the castle and
the inhabbitants of the park around the castle (Don't go close to them,
they'll rob you). There is an uprising problem with crime in Oslo, and
it's adviced that you don't go alone around during night in some certain
areas there. Oslo har been nominated as one of the most ugliest capitals
Bergen is an old trade city located on the
south-west coast of Norway. The city is a heck lot more Norwegian than
Oslo, with it's rich cultural environment and very good (and expencive)
resturants by the shoreline, not to forget about the famous (nationally)
market in the middle of the town. Yet, if you're looking for sun and summer
then Bergen is the wrong place to go. Let's just say that Bergen is known
for two things (within the Norwegian borders) and that's it's rain and
the weird accent of the people who comes from there. About the accent,
let's just say that they're the Texican's of Norway when it comes to language.
The people from that part of the country also sincerely believes that they
have a good sense of humor... Yet, they're the only ones who believes it,
and sad as it is, all 220 000 of them does.
Trondhjem is located in the middle of the
country. Trondhjem doesn't have too much of Norwegian to offer, except
Nidarosdommen which is kind of a big church. Trønderan (what we
call people from Trondhjem) also has a weird accent, it's like it's pitching
up and down all the time and suddenly and unexpectedly they're stopping
to talk. Other things to see in Trondhjem might be Munkholmen and the city
market. Trondhjem is neither north or in the south of the country, that
can easily be shown in the confusion of the people, they don't know where
If you're one of those polar freaks then maybe
you'd like Tromsø. Tromsø which lies 700 kilometers (by car.
Sure, I have measured) above the polar circle is a 250 year old city with
about 51,000 people living there, and yeah, there are about 7,000 students
there aswell. Tromsø is known for having a lot of drinking places
(and the northernmost brewery in the world, and the northernmost university
of the world, etc.) but don't expect to get drunk with the price they have
on the beer (unless you're rich and doesn't care about your money). The
stench from the brewery can be smelled all over the city on "hot" summerday,
a bit annoying but it's supposed to be better than the industrial pollution.
You will not find much heat in this area, but the coldness in this place
is heavily underexaggerated. Let's just say that you won't find much more
civilized areas further north of this spot.